And People Wonder Why I’m Always Pissed….

Hey. I haven’t even been eighteen for two weeks and my life is already spiraling back to the same hellish state it’s been for years. Freaking Amanda, my sister (she’s ten now), just can’t help herself from making up lie after lie about me to get me in trouble, and my parents just eat it up, because God forbid Sam ever be allowed to not be the “problem child.” Screw that. Seriously, how the hell am I supposed to coexist with these assholes if they don’t even let me try and be good?!

I’d been doing much better at controlling myself in the midst of all of this bullshit for awhile, but these past few days have been harder. I don’t know why. All I know is that I can’t wait to get my shit together and get the hell out of here. I’m so fucking tired of being the family scapegoat for fucking everything! It’s always my fault, somehow. Doesn’t matter if I’m in a different room, or not even home, everything always ends up back at me. Seriously, I can’t make this shit up. Fuck this.

And, of course, anyone who observes this always assumes that my parents are automatically right and always have some prior reason to be extra pissed off at me this time. I can’t even really vent to anyone because they always blame me! I want to scream and cry and punch holes into walls and kick down doors and a bunch of other super-destructive shit like taking a baseball bat and smashing shit, but it’s not like I can do any of that, and imagining karma coming back to bite them in their asses isn’t really cutting it anymore. One of these days I’m just gonna snap, and I don’t know what’s gonna happen then. I really don’t. It scares me, it truly does.

Fuck this shit.

-Sam

P.S. I’m not gonna kill myself or my family or anything (because apparently I need to clarify this). Honestly, I think that would be a cop-out. Really not my style. I’m more of a flip-’em-the-bird, fuck-you-all-I-succeeded-despite-all-of-your-bullshit person, anyway.

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The Deeper Meaning Of Me

Hey. So, the title is pretty self explanatory. Today we’ll be discussing who I am. And I don’t mean the boring stuff, like, ‘oh, I’m a 15 year old girl who’s a sophomore at BCHS.’ No, like the title states, I mean the deep stuff. So, without further ado, let’s explore who I am!

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This was when I went with Gabby and her family to release lanterns in memory of Carl, one of her family members who died in a car accident.

First, you have to know that I’m ADHD. That kind of shapes my whole life, and not always in a bad way. Sure, it makes my wicked (see my New England heritage 🙂 ) disorganized, but that’s okay, because I can deal with that (most of the time!). It also makes me way more creative. Let me explain. There have been many studies done on ADHD, and a lot of them have found that people with ADHD are more creative than people without it. Also, a funny story. One of the first art classes I had this year, I received a handout with the typical traits of a creative person. Almost all of these traits were typical of someone with ADHD. I almost laughed out loud when I made the connection.

Alrighty then, next up, I’m a good friend. I’m loyal, caring, and if you’re my best friend and you want me to kick someone’s ass, I’ll do it 🙂 Well, as long as that person isn’t my best friend or my family member. And I won’t hurt them badly (I don’t believe in putting people in the hospital), I’ll just give them a few bruises and scare the crap out of them, so they never hurt you again. I’m loyal because I’ll always take your side if I’m involved in something, or else I just won’t get involved. And I’m caring because, well, I care. You can tell me anything, and I’ll help you through whatever it is, plus I won’t judge.

Now, I’m intelligent. I’m just using what other people say about me for this one, plus events that have happened. I got the highest score on the placement exam for BCHS. Everyone says I’m super smart, and I need to actually try in school instead of just coasting along (I HATE it when they say that, but it’s true, I do need to try harder). And when I do try hard, I get awesome, amazing results, like a 98 on a Dos quarter project! Now that’s what I call awesomeness!

I’m dirty minded. I’m not going to go into that one at all, really, because that would probably disgust you 🙂 Let’s put it this way. I once got into a conversation on Facebook with my friend Derek about a picture that had been posted. It said something like, ‘if people heard my best friend and I talking, we would be in a mental hospital.’ I asked Derek what would happen to me and Rebecca if people heard us talking. Up until this point, we had been chatting in the comments. Now, he messaged me. You wanna know what he wrote?

Worse, burned at the stake. –Derek H.

I’m really spiritual. I pray A LOT. I pray every night before I go to bed, even if it’s my own prayers, not prayers that you can find in a prayer book or something. As one of my last posts said, I’m a Roman Catholic, and I have a lot of faith. Even if those reasons that I stated in that post were all proved false, I would still believe because of my faith. It’s pretty strong.

I have anger issues sometimes, but the major ones usually only show when the Lyme comes back. I normally always have some minor irritability, and even when the Lyme is gone, once in a blue moon I’ll lose is, but doesn’t everyone?

If you tease me for my anger issues, or is I see you tease anyone for anything, I’ll kick your ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week, because I absolutely HATE any kind of snobbery or anything like it. No. Just, don’t do it. It sucks. As I’ve told you, I’ve been a victim of bullying, and I’ve watched my best friend be subjected to the tortures it causes, and it seriously sucks to experience. Don’t do it. Please.

One more thing: first impressions are EVERYTHING to me. I don’t know why, but once I meet you, I either hate you or love you. There is rarely an in between. I don’t know why this is, but my mom calls it obsessive, like I obsess over the people that I love. I don’t know what to think.

Alright, I think that’s it. Wow, this was a really long post again. Hopefully I’ll get into this habit of long posts. I kinda like it. Okay, I’m done for now. Bye!

-Sam

P.S. The original picture URLs can be found by clicking on the pictures!

Hate #4: Slow Computers

Hey. So, my next hate is ~drumroll~ slow computers. Yuck. They screw everything up, especially if you’re playing a game. Like The Sims 3, for instance. I try to play it, but my stupid laptop is so slow that my Sims take like 1 step every 5 seconds! It’s so annoying! Or when you’re trying to scroll down to read something, and you scroll once. When it freezes, you scroll like a million times in annoyance and anger and by the time it unfreezes you’ve scrolled so much that the screen is at the bottom of what you were trying to read, so you have to scroll back up and try to find where you left off. But it’s a never ending cycle, because when you scroll up the same thing happens, and you find yourself at the top of what you were trying to read. Anyways, that’s my rant for today. Bye!

-Sam