And Another Year Passes….

Hey. I’m sorry for not posting in pretty much over a year. Yeah, there’s been a post thrown in here or there, but not like I used to. I know I’ve said this before, but this time I’m really going to try to change that. My absence from this blog… well, I think posting is actually a helpful outlet for all the crap going on in my life.

In less than twelve hours from now, my grandfather will have been dead for a year. I still haven’t cried except for, like, literally less than two minutes right after I walked into his wake and saw his body lying in the casket. When my grandma died, she had already been cremated for her wake— all I saw was the urn. This, clearly, was different.

Mammy & Papa Cropped

I’m a crier. Not purposely, because I can’t control it— it’s just who I am. I cry when I’m upset. I cry when I’m sad. When I’m frustrated. Pissed off. Sometimes that irritates the hell out of me, because when I’m so pissed that I can literally feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins I really don’t want to cry because I want to keep my shit together in order to be taken seriously. That being said, you would think that I would’ve been able to cry about my grandpa, right? I mean, I cried for my grandma. But nope. Of course not.

You know, it kinda makes me wonder if I’m a horrible person, because how can a crier not cry over the death of someone they absolutely adored?! And yeah, I’ve heard all of the crap about how everyone grieves differently and how not everyone cries and blah blah blah, and I get it. I really do. But I’m still me. Granted, I’m now a sixteen- and seventeen-year-old me as opposed to an eleven- and twelve-year-old me, but still.

I’m a crier, and I haven’t cried for my dead grandpa. And he’s been dead for a year as of less than twelve hours from now.

But I think I want to be done discussing my slightly-worrisome lack of tears, so. Yeah.

In December, I binge-watched all ten-and-a-half seasons of Bones. Damn. That show is freaking AMAZING! But ugh, seriously! I CANNOT believe it took Booth and Brennan six freaking seasons to finally stop being stupid and realize they’re in love! SIX. FREAKING. SEASONS! Although, I did get a somewhat-popular post on Tumblr out of it:

Waiting For Booth And Brennan To Realize They're In Love

And yes, I know, 27 notes is kind of nothing, but for me, that’s the most attention any of my social media posts have ever gotten from complete strangers, which for some reason feels like an accomplishment.

I’ve just started watching Scandal on Netflix, too. I’m currently a little over halfway through the first episode of Season 4. God, Shonda Rhimes is a freaking genius! Seriously, I’m hooked! Jeez, she’s just so freaking amazing. Which kinda, you know, sucks, with her being an evil genius who lives to crush the hopes and dreams of all her viewers and all. Yeah… I’m a lost cause. There’s no going back! 🙂

Well, that’s it for now. I’m going to get back to watching Scandal. Plus, I’m trying to hang out with my friend S.B. tonight, so I’m going to go for now. Bye!

-Sam

I Have The Best Chemistry Teacher Ever

Hey! So, today started out… well, not good. There’s really no other way of saying it. I went into school struggling not to cry, and struggled to get through the day. Maddie and Christina knew that I had a rough morning, and they have Chem the period before me. Well, I came in the room while they were still there. They asked how I was doing, and I almost lost it. I was like, “not good” in a sad, almost-crying voice. Mr. Rose, my chemistry teacher, heard, and asked if I was okay. I shook my head no, because I knew if I talked I would start bawling. He said something really nice, and it made me feel better, and I was able to enjoy Chem. I had lunch next. I stayed in Mr. Rose’s classroom and just talked to him about everything that happened this morning, and he was really nice, caring, helpful, understanding, and just plain awesome about it. I love him. He’s seriously amazing. Alright, that’s it. I have to go do homework. Bye!

-Sam

Where Are You Burban?!

Hey. Burban is missing. We can’t find her anywhere. She’s been AWOL since around 3 in the afternoon (I think that’s when I saw her last). It was around when Gabby left. Which scares me, cuz it makes me wonder if she somehow got past me and out the door, even though I was watching for her. I’m crying. I’m so scared. What if she’s hurt? What if she’s dead?

Hey again! The reason I say that is because that first part was written about a half hour ago. I stopped the post and went to find Burban. Following advice from my Uncle’s mom (not my grandma, since he’s not my blood uncle, but he’s my uncle in all the other ways), I looked in Amanda and AJ’s closet (they share a room), and after pushing aside all of the crap that was in a huge pile on the closet floor, found Burban! I was so relieved! I pulled her out and into my arms for a ginormous bear hug, which, surprisingly, she stayed calm and still for (she normally stays still for hugs from me and my mom, no one else, but I hugged her very, very tightly). I am so happy right now, you don’t even know. Phew. My mind was going to dark places, like thinking she wasn’t going to be here for Christmas and stuff like that. But it’s all better now. Thank you, God! Alright, I guess that’s it. Oh, wait. I kept my posting streak. Again! This is the seventh day, I believe. Okay, that’s really it. Bye!

-Sam