Four Days Down And I’m Already 6,370 Words Behind

Hey! So, I’ve been super busy the last four nights. On Tuesday, I wrote 10+ freaking pages of a Dos quarter project (which, by the way, ended up 18 pages!), reviewed it, and re-wrote the final draft. So, I only got 963 out of 1,666 words done that day. Wednesday night, I volunteered at my school’s freshman (and LEAP) orientation, which was from 6:30 – 8:30. I didn’t get home until around 3:45, either. I only got 928 words written Wednesday. On Thursday, I was exhausted and feeling sick, so I went to bed at, like, 7 o’clock, plus I met with teachers at school until 4, so I got home around 4:30, which left 2 1/2 hours in between, where I did homework, ate dinner, and took a shower, so I only wrote 72 words. Wow. Amazing.

Last night was my sister’s 8th birthday. Which, by the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA!!

Last night, as you may be able to tell, was a change of pace, birthday-wise, yet it was the same, word count-wise (sort of- you’ll see why). I left school at noon because I had a doctors appointment, but that ended a half hour before school normally does, so I would’ve had a bunch of time to write, had it been a regular day. It wasn’t. My mom and I ate at McDonalds real quick, then ran to Party City (by the way, I’m very disappointed in you, Party City- iParty is way better. You shouldn’t’ve bought it out!) because we needed party stuff. We spent about an hour there, because we couldn’t find anything we needed except for party favors.

Party City, you’re a lame-o. I mean, Frozen is the biggest movie right now. It only makes sense that you’d carry Frozen themed party supplies.

But noooo, of course not- only napkins and two balloons. So, we had to improvise, and we tried to find any types of goodie bags that weren’t themed. We ended up having to ask where they were, too, since Party City is kinda disorganized, in my opinion.

Anyways, we finally leave Party City and go to Stop & Shop across the street to pick up the cake and get Mina’s card (Mina is Amanda’s nickname because that’s what she called herself when she was little), which, by the way, I picked out. By the time we get home, it’s past 4, so I have to rush to get everything ready. On a side note, I killed my thumb again (I’d slammed it between the upstairs-bathroom under-the-sink cabinets the night before) by trying to use scissors, and when I tried to squeeze the scissors together, the bump on my thumb pressed up against the scissors. I literally screamed. Ouch.

So, we go to my sister’s party. We leave at 6:15 and get home at 9:45. As of last night (not counting the words I’m supposed to do today that I’m probably going to fall short of, too), I only had 1,963 words written total, leaving me 6,370 words behind. At this rate, I won’t finish on April 30- I’ll be done sometime around the end of July!

Not that I’m not trying, of course. Because I am. It’s just, how the hell am I supposed to write about 1,600 words a day when everyone is nagging me to do something else (and the occasional thing I want to do besides write)?

Camp NaNoWriMo is great. I absolutely love it. I just wish my life wasn’t so hectic so I could actually have a chance to win it!

I guess I’ll have to do most of my work on the weekends. Scratch that, I’ll have to do most of my work locked up in my room on a Sunday, since Saturday is ~cough~ hell day ~cough~ excuse me, I must be getting sick or something 🙂 Saturday is chore day. All. Freaking. Day. And if my mom sees me doing “nothing” (a.k.a. sitting on my bed typing) on Sunday, she’ll give me more chores. It’s a lose-lose situation for me 😦

Anyways, I need to step up my game. Not only do I want to finish Running for the sake of finishing it, I want to get to the end because I absolutely love how it turns out. It’s freaking amazing (plus, I have it more planned out then I do now, so it’ll be easier to get more words in a shorter amount of time).

And, besides all that, it’d be nice just to win at something for once. Especially something I won at because of me.

I just wish it wasn’t so damn hard to find time. I swear, during NaNoWriMo months, the whole world conspires against me to make sure I have no time to write.

I came to a realization last night, which was that when I have no time to write, my brain it on idea overload, yet when my computer is in front of me, I’m working slowly (for me- it’s probably the normal person’s fast). I seriously hate that. Like, why?!

One things my ADHD brain simply cannot stand is editing. Which is what makes NaNoWriMo great, because you don’t have to edit anything for that month. I don’t really know why I hate editing so much, except for maybe because it’s a little repetitive, and my personality+ADHD+repetitive=NOT GOOD.

Also, I hate to write a bunch of detail. I hate to read a bunch of detail, too. Like, a little bit is okay, but don’t get all J. R. R. Tolkien on me! I can’t deal with it, partly because of my ADHD, partly because I just have a short attention span in general. I literally have to force myself to write a lot of detail sometimes, like for The Crystal Guardians: Book 1, when I’m explaining all the Reddikan stuff since it’s alien (literally), and people won’t be able to picture it or understand it well unless I explain it with great detail.

My friend had 5,577 words written. As of before 6:30 p.m. two days ago (April 3). And I’m just here like, yeah, today I gotta write more than you have total to be on par.

So, yeah. I’m gonna go write. Wish me luck! Bye!

-Sam

P.S. As usual, the original image URLs can be found by clicking the images, which I do not own, nor do I pretend to own.

I Have So Many Ideas For Running

Hey. Well, I have SO MANY IDEAS, it’s not even funny. Like seriously, I spent a whole English class writing scenes for it when I should’ve been taking notes. Although these scenes are all going to take place a little later, it’s still good to write, that way I don’t forget them. Although, maybe I should put a little less detail into them- I probably have half of Running written already, and only three of the first consecutive chapters ready to be put up on Wattpad! Oh well. Whatever works 🙂 Anyways, I gotta go. I’m at school, and my mom or dad is going to be here any minute to pick me up. Bye!

-Sam

I UPDATED RUNNING!!

Hey! Well, I finally did it! After over a month, I updated Running. If you want to read Running on Wattpad, click the links below:

There you have it, folks! Now, please go read! And you can make a free account and follow me to receive instant notification whenever I post a story. I’ll follow you back because 1. that’s just what I do, and 2. I like to have my followers and following icons match up. I think it’s cool. Anyways, sorry for the short post, but I’m going to go work on Running some more while I have the time. By the way, that’s why I didn’t update, because I didn’t have type to write. Alright, that’s it. Bye!

-Sam

I Wish I Had More Money….

Hey. Well, the title says it all. I need more money so I can buy myself a Grey’s Anatomy bag. Yes, I found the website that sells Grey’s Anatomy merchandise. I know, I know, I’m obsessed, but I can’t help it! The show is just too damn good! Anyways, I need $50 so I can get it shipped here by the end of February at the latest. I have it, but I don’t know if my mom will let me spend it. I just wish that she would understand that it’s my money. And anyways, I’ve been wanting to look for some Grey’s Anatomy stuff, anyways (I just always forgot to look when I had my laptop on!). Alright, I think that’s it. I’m going to go work on Running. By the way, sorry I’m so behind on it. I have so many ideas for the rest of the book that I’m forgetting to work on the beginning of it, so I don’t, and Wattpad doesn’t get any updates, which means none for those of you reading it as well, so I apologize. Anyways, bye!

-Sam

It’s Vacation!!

Hey. Well, my February vacation started a little while ago today, which means (probably) longer, more thorough posts, and I’m definitely going to do my best to get as much of Running written as possible. I actually don’t have a shit-load of homework to do over break, surprisingly. All I have is a Dos essay and to study a bunch for Spanish. Alright, sorry for the short post, but I have to go. I meant it to be longer, really I did, but I need to go now. Sorry! Bye!

-Sam

I Feel Like A Stalker…

Hey. So, do you have an Instagram? Well, if you don’t, then let me tell you, it makes you feel like a stalker. For real. Like, seriously. On the bright side, though, Burban is sitting on my lap as I type this 😀 Alright, sorry for the short post, but I’m going to go try to type more of Running, and I just wanted to keep my posting streak. Bye!

-Sam

Snow Day And Instagram

Hey! Guess what?! Today is a snow day!! YAY! And guess what else?! I got an Instagram account! YAY again!! My username is (what else?) zizzlekwum, and in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve connected it to my blog, so if you scroll down a little, you’ll see my latest post on the right. Alright, sorry for the short post, but I’m going to get back to typing Running. Bye!

-Sam

Reminiscing, Emptiness, And Missing

Hey! So, for the first time ever, since I just found out about it and thought it would be fun, I’m going to do the weekly writing challenge that was posted by WordPress. This week’s prompt is to write a post based on a picture, and the picture I chose was emptiness, which is below. Now, without further ado, let’s begin, shall we?

Emptiness
photo credits to Cheri Lucas Rowlands

To my daughter,

These last few months have been really hard. Whoever says time heals all wounds has obviously never lost a child. Because that’s what you are, aren’t you? You’re lost. You were kidnapped at five days old. Your daddy and I only have five days of memories with you. That’s… I don’t know what that is. But it isn’t meant to be. Remind me to go back in time and make sure that the phrase “everything happens for a reason” is never said, either.

Anyway, I guess this whole year has been hard. The let downs, the lost hopes. Especially the loneliness. I was holding on to the hope that you would be back with us for your first birthday. But you weren’t. I was holding on to the hope that you would be back with us for your second birthday five days ago. But you weren’t. Plus, the one year anniversary of your kidnapping happened. I wasn’t prepared for that. Not at all. But I got through it. Just like I’ve gotten through each and every day without you.

I don’t know why people think anything besides you being back can fix my broken, bleeding heart. It’s broken beyond repair. I say this because recently, in the past few months, your daddy and I have gotten a few comments that have told us that maybe we would feel better if we had another baby. Even my best friend said this. Needless to say, she’s not my best friend anymore. I feel like a child saying that, but it’s true. She was the person that I vented to the most, so she should know what I’m feeling. I guess she just wasn’t listening.

Anyways, I just can’t see having another baby when you, my daughter, my only child, my everything, are gone. Your daddy feels the same way. We feel as if it would be betraying you. How could we possibly pretend to be happy with another child? All we want is you.

I don’t think we’ll ever get used to this emptiness, and I know for a fact that the gaping hole in our hearts can’t be filled without you. You are the only thing that can make your daddy and I feel complete. You, and you alone can put us back together again. But we’ll never be fully healed. We’ll never be who we were before you were five days old.

Whenever I think of you, I always wonder where you are. It always makes me feel hollow inside, like I’m nothing. I’m your mom, I should be able to protect you. Instead, I don’t even know where you are. I’m filled with so much despair and anguish at the thought, sometimes I don’t know how I’m still alive.

Wherever you are, do you know that you’ve been gone for two years today? It’s 3:49 AM right now, on November 13, 2000. Exactly two years ago right now, you woke up crying, and I fed you in the night for the last time. In exactly 7 hours and 54 minutes, it’ll be the exact anniversary of your daddy being shot trying to protect us. I remember it so clearly. I was staring down at you, and you were gazing back up at me, and our identical blue eyes, yours so big and bright, refused to look anywhere else besides each other. Your daddy had just started the fire and was standing up when they broke in the windows. I instinctively held you closer and jumped up, screaming. You started to wail. I frantically looked around, the fear settling in my gut. I didn’t see them until I saw the gun, and then a second later heard the shot.

I started to run, not looking back, knowing what would await me. Your daddy on the floor, his life going out of him. I didn’t know where to go, but I knew I had to go somewhere, I knew I had to keep you safe, I knew you were worth my life a million times over. But, despite my speed, despite my motivation- you- I didn’t even make it out the door.

Someone grabbed my hair, and as I fell backwards, I made sure to hold you close so you wouldn’t get hurt. I had time to plant a kiss on your head before they stole you from my arms. I screamed and screamed. But before I even had a chance to react, they were gone.

I curled up into a ball and wailed for a minute before going to help your daddy. I think that’s what saved his life. The sobbing helped me to stop shaking just enough to be able to slow the bleeding so he was able to be moved. He was so pale, I would’ve thought he was dead if I hadn’t heard him murmuring your name, even in his unconscious state. I ran to to other room to get the phone, and ran back to your daddy as I dialed 911, so afraid that he had died in the second it took me to grab the phone.

It took your daddy months to heal. Well, at least physically. The pain of you being gone is still as fresh and raw as it was two years ago. The only thing that keep me alive is my job, which I am so grateful to have, since it allows me to work your file. Despite how hard it is, I don’t feel worthless, like I’m not doing anything. And the thing that really keeps me going is the fact that you might still be alive somewhere. I hold on to the hope that if they wanted to kill you, they would’ve done it in front of me, to cause me more pain.

Baby, know that I won’t stop until I find you. Neither will your daddy. We won’t stop until we can be a family again.

Love, Mommy

That was written in the first person point of view of a character in the book I’m writing, Running. I’m not going to say who, but if you’ve read the first two chapters (which, sadly, is all I’ve put up right now) you might be able to guess. This was really fun to write (not that I expected otherwise! 🙂 ), and it gave me more insight into this character (I almost just typed her name!).

click this cover of Running to read what’s written of Running on Wattpad

Alright, I’m going to go work on more of Running now, which I haven’t updated in over a month since I’ve been so busy. Hope you liked my… um, well, I don’t really know what to call it. You know what I mean. Anyway, that’s it. Bye!

 -Sam

I Hate Not Having Time To Do Fun Stuff

Hey. UGH! I’m not going to repeat the title, so go look at it again if you don’t remember. I really hate it. Especially since I haven’t updated Running in two weeks, because I haven’t had enough freaking time! And I LOVE where it’s going to go, so I’m really motivated to update so it can get there! But nooooooo, of course life can’t give me time. Between midterms, and homework, and my mom deciding that she’s going to really crack down on making me clean my room, I’ve had, like, no time to type! I HATE it 😦 Alright, I have to go finish homework. Sorry for the short post. Bye!

-Sam

Midterms Are Done!

Hey. So, I’m officially DONE with midterms! I finished my Spanish midterm about fifteen minutes ago, and I have to say, it was pretty easy (probably thanks to my index card that had literally every single vocab word and preterite ending on it 🙂 ). But, thank you God! No more stress. Well, at least until I get them back and find out I failed one or two or five (yes, I’m already stressing). But, hey, I already found out that I got a FREAKING 95 ON MY GEOMETRY MIDTERM!!! Is that awesome or what?! Alright, I’m going to go try to type some more of Running. Sorry for the short post, but I haven’t typed anything this week because of midterms, and I really want to. Bye!

-Sam