Politics

Hey. Fair warning, this is going to be a little rant. Okay, so for anyone who doesn’t live in the United States and don’t know what’s going on: people are losing their fucking minds over Donald Trump being elected president. Now, I’m not really planning to get into a debate about politics with this post; as I said, it’s more of a rant (I have a debate post coming up soon), so don’t expect anything like that.

Let me just say this: calm the fuck down, people! Yes, I find some of Trump’s comments absolutely abhorrent, but wanting the president to fail is like wanting the country to fail, wanting the country to fail is like wanting the American citizens to fail, and wanting the American citizens to fail is like wanting yourself to fail. Instead of working against him, why don’t you try working with him. Maybe try suggesting a legitimate alternative option to a plan he has that is more of a compromise to satisfy both sides. Or, here’s an idea: don’t fucking riot and expect no one to call you out on your shit!

I get that sometimes really disgusting people stage protests. However, that does not give you the right to crash their protest, which they had a permit for, and to incite violence! Get your own fucking permit and rally together to protest them!

Love him or hate him, he is our president, the leader of our country. Get on board and help this country succeed, or get the fuck out. It’s that simple (okay, maybe not really, but still).

I used to love politics, especially engaging in (civil) debates. However,anymore it’s like people automatically assume that if you disagree with them, you’re a homophobic asshole who kills puppies and steals candy from babies. That is not the way to get your point across. All it does is extend the divide between the two sides. Can’t we all just try and talk a little? I promise that you’ll get more, real progress that way than using the fucking barbaric tactics being used right now. Grow the fuck up, people!

-Sam

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For Some Reason, I Refuse To Grow Up

Hey. Today I screwed up. I was supposed to be babysitting my neighbors’ son, and I fell asleep. I’m supposed to be eighteen, and I can’t even force myself to stay awake to babysit a freaking nine-year-old. I’m actually kind of glad his dad came home for a second and saw me sleeping, because it would’ve been killing me, but I don’t know if I would’ve had the (figurative) balls to tell them. And they should know that I wasn’t watching their kid. I swear, every good thing I have going in my life, I end up fucking it up.

Every. Fucking. Thing.

Always.

Why? Because I won’t fucking grow up and take an ounce of fucking responsibility. I had a job for two weeks in November. I was late twice. Granted, one time it was their fault, because they didn’t tell me I was supposed to work at 6 in the morning, and I had called to ask if the schedule was up the day before, and it wasn’t. Plus, then they just seemed to forget I even existed after two weeks. But still.

I’m so fucking stupid. I’m worse than a fucking toddler. Toddlers at least learn from their mistakes. I keep making the same ones. Over. And. Over. And. Over.

It’s like I don’t even fucking care that I’m ruining my fucking life, and I do. Trust me. This fuck-up will eat away at me for months, at the very least. There are some things I did when I was eleven that are still torturing me.

You’d think that with the way I beat myself up over everything, I’d learn a little. Apparently not. Like, what the fuck is wrong with me?! Why can’t I ever make a good decision for once in my fucking life?! And believe me, I am responsible for all of these decisions.

I swear, whenever I start to do a little better in one part of my life, it’s like I’m like, “well, I guess I don’t have to work hard to get everything else as good as it can be.”

I was just thinking that, all of the shit I do to people, I hope someone does it to me someday, because I deserve it. But then I thought, no, I don’t. Because then I would feel like, in some way, I was redeemed by the same thing happening to me. And I don’t deserve that.

I wish I could literally beat myself up.

-Sam

And People Wonder Why I’m Always Pissed….

Hey. I haven’t even been eighteen for two weeks and my life is already spiraling back to the same hellish state it’s been for years. Freaking Amanda, my sister (she’s ten now), just can’t help herself from making up lie after lie about me to get me in trouble, and my parents just eat it up, because God forbid Sam ever be allowed to not be the “problem child.” Screw that. Seriously, how the hell am I supposed to coexist with these assholes if they don’t even let me try and be good?!

I’d been doing much better at controlling myself in the midst of all of this bullshit for awhile, but these past few days have been harder. I don’t know why. All I know is that I can’t wait to get my shit together and get the hell out of here. I’m so fucking tired of being the family scapegoat for fucking everything! It’s always my fault, somehow. Doesn’t matter if I’m in a different room, or not even home, everything always ends up back at me. Seriously, I can’t make this shit up. Fuck this.

And, of course, anyone who observes this always assumes that my parents are automatically right and always have some prior reason to be extra pissed off at me this time. I can’t even really vent to anyone because they always blame me! I want to scream and cry and punch holes into walls and kick down doors and a bunch of other super-destructive shit like taking a baseball bat and smashing shit, but it’s not like I can do any of that, and imagining karma coming back to bite them in their asses isn’t really cutting it anymore. One of these days I’m just gonna snap, and I don’t know what’s gonna happen then. I really don’t. It scares me, it truly does.

Fuck this shit.

-Sam

P.S. I’m not gonna kill myself or my family or anything (because apparently I need to clarify this). Honestly, I think that would be a cop-out. Really not my style. I’m more of a flip-’em-the-bird, fuck-you-all-I-succeeded-despite-all-of-your-bullshit person, anyway.

I Have A Strong Dislike For People

Hey. I’ve talked about how I coach baseball before, right? Well, last night was our first playoff game. Overall it was a pretty good game, even though we ended up losing by one, but that’s not the point. During the game, one of the parents from the other team said something about one of the kids on my team. The asshole said something along the lines of, “this kid shouldn’t be playing with eight-year-olds” or something like that. Now, that isn’t what pissed me off, but it annoyed me a bit, since the minor league goes up to age 12 and the kid in question, who I will refer to as M, is barely considered a ten-year-old this season (had he been born a month later than he was, he would’ve actually been considered a nine-year-old this season). However, I could see why someone might think that. M is a pretty big kid, and a wicked strong player.

Ugh People

Anyway, I decided to go over there and just tell the parent that, hey, M actually just turned ten, there’s no reason why he shouldn’t be playing with eight-year-olds. I figured the parent had made that comment because he was worried about his kid playing against M, maybe worried that his kid might get hurt because M’s such a good (and powerful) player, and I actually just wanted to set the record straight so he wouldn’t have to worry about it. That’s the only reason I went over there at all. So, I go over there and make a couple comments about how this is a really good game, and how I feel bad for some of the pitchers because a lot of perfect strikes were being called balls by the umpire. Small talk, you know? I was talking with a couple of the parents for a minute about how it could be worse, though, and the umpire could be favoring one team over the other, so at least he’s calling balls and strikes the same for each team, even if he is saying the strikes are balls.

After a minute or two of this, I was like, “Oh, and whoever said M shouldn’t be playing with eight-year-olds, he actually just turned ten about a month ago, so he’s well within his age range.” One of the parents pretty much flips out and is like, “What are you doing, coming over here just to start something?” I’m kinda taken aback at this point. Like, seriously, I wasn’t nasty about it at all, and just wanted to correct them to make them feel better. I said, “I’m not trying to cause trouble or anything, I just wanted to say that there’s no reason why M shouldn’t be playing with eight-year-olds,” but the asshole just kept going. He was like, “I’m not gonna listen to some smart-ass teenager who doesn’t know how to respect adults. Why don’t you just go back to your own side, little girl?” Ugh, even thinking about it right now is pissing me off all over again!

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At this point, I was really starting to get pissed off. I just said, “Respect is earned, and you’re not acting like an adult right now,” which, okay, maybe wasn’t the best way to try and keep the peace, but hey, I’ve never been one to just stand there while people insult me. I was so freaking pissed at this point. Then- get this!- he yells across the field, “Hey Tigers, you wanna come get your little girl and bring her back to your side?!” and one of the coaches from the other team hears and comes over. He says to me, “Hey, come on, just leave them alone,” which I don’t blame him for, because he only heard the asshole, but still. It was annoying that he was so quick to blame me, because I’ve been involved with this baseball league for over a decade, and I’m umpired a lot of his games, so I know he knows I’m not a bad kid or a troublemaker or anything, but whatever. At that point, I just walked back over to the other side and tried to keep my mouth shut, because it just wasn’t worth it.

I freaking hate people who think they’re better than you just because they’re older. That’s bullshit. Ugh. See? This is why I don’t like people! Everyone always thinks I’m kidding when I say, “I just have a strong dislike for people in general,” but I’m being completely honest. People in general just piss me off.

List Of Reasons Not To Like You.gif

If there’s one thing I absolutely cannot stand, it’s when people have that “holier than thou” attitude. Ugh. Seriously. I just… ugh!

Well, that’s it for now. Hopefully I’ll keep posting. Bye!

-Sam

P.S. As always, the links to the original pages can be found by clicking the images.

Stupid Confirmation Retreat

Hey! So, this is a scheduled post, because, guess what?! Today (tomorrow when I’m writing this post) I’m at a 12-hour confirmation retreat. Yippee. Oh what fun. Ha. Yeah, right. They’re so boring, except for the two we’ve had at a cathedral in Providence. Those were pretty fun, or at least interesting. I’ll tell you how it went later. Bye (wish me luck! I’ll need it 😦 )!

-Sam