I’m Worried That My Future Kids Will Be The Genetic Dumping-Ground Of A Very Screwed-Up Person (A.K.A. Me)

Hey. My friend just had her second kid a couple of months ago, and I have a confession to make: I low-key stalk her Facebook page for updates on her two little munchkins, because they are so freaking adorable. That being said, I recently had a conversation with my friend, R, who was recently diagnosed with bipolar, and I was telling her about some of my experiences living with it. Of these two events, the former got me thinking about my future kids, and the latter got me wondering how fucking messed up my kids will be, given all of the shit I have going on.

Taking Crazy Pills GIF.gif

Would you like a list? Well, then here, have one:

  • chronic Lyme disease
  • bipolar
  • ADHD
  • OCD
  • anxiety
  • ODD
  • high-functioning autism / Asperger’s (same thing now, apparently)
  • POTS
  • migraines
  • alcoholism on both sides of my family

And I’m probably missing a whole bunch because there’s just so fucking much wrong with me.

So Much Crazier GIF

I can’t make this shit up. Even soap operas don’t have characters with this much shit going on with them! My kids don’t stand a chance!

Do any of you have stuff like this going on? Do you ever worry about passing it on?

-Sam

P.S. As usual, click the images for the original links.

My Final Post Of 2016

Hey. Wow, I can’t believe there’s less than five hours left in 2016! A lot of people have been saying it’s been a horrible year, but I have to disagree. Sure, it could’ve been better, but for me it wasn’t a total disaster. Nobody died. Nobody got really sick. My Lyme hasn’t come back (yet). I turned 18. I graduated high school and will no longer have to deal with the shitty administration at WHS!

Then again, for the first six months of the year, I was fighting with the shitty administration at WHS just to graduate. I turned 18 (yes, it’s both a good and a bad thing). Overall, I suppose this year was fairly uneventful, and I’ll take that over bad things any time!

It’s weird, though, thinking about how this is the end of 2016. I’ve been looking forward to this year ever since my kindergarten “graduation” when we all received pins saying “CLASS OF 2016”. It’s strange to think that in less than five hours, that year will already be over.

I got my first job this year (granted, it was only for two weeks, and then they stopped putting me on the schedule for no apparent reason, but still). I got my first state-assigned ID this year (I think; it may have been in November or December of 2015, though). For some reason, the end of 2016 is really getting to me.

Well, I have to go. I’m babysitting my neighbor tonight, and I think I’m going to sleep over, so I have to go pack my bag. Happy New Year, everyone! Bye!

-Sam

Using Antibiotics To Fight Cancer

Hey! I just finished reading this article, discussing the possibility of using antibiotics, like doxycycline, to fight cancer.

Oh. My. God.

This could change everything. I just… I can’t even comprehend it! I don’t know what to say except GO READ IT NOW!!

My mine = blown.

Whoa….

Please share this everywhere. It might save someone’s life! Bye.

-Sam

I Need Your Help

Hey. So, my family and I have lived in our current home for over eleven years now. Our rent, when added with our usual monthly bills and stuff, consumes almost all of my family’s monthly income. My mom is working a lot of hours per week, at two separate jobs, while somehow continuing to be the primary caretaker of my three younger siblings, as well as the person who keeps the house organized and prevents all hell from breaking loose. My dad, who has very severe chronic pain, hasn’t been able to work for many years (I think it’s been more than four…), and often is unable to help out in his already-limited everyday household happenings, like cooking dinner, driving to the store and stuff, or even helping Amanda (eight years old) and AJ (6 years old) with their homework. I have ADHD, anxiety (which causes OCD), and chronic Lyme, and have also just recently been diagnosed on the low end of the spectrum for Asperger’s (which may also be causing ODD and a mood disorder). Although I do my best to pitch in, I’m not always, um, helpful, and typically my attempts to help out… well, they ultimately add to the chaos (I’m always working on that). My uncle also lives with us on weekends, and my family also includes Burban and Popsicle, a cat and a hamster.

We’re doing very badly financially, frankly. I’m used to it, because we’ve had very little money for the majority of my life. However, even disregarding the fact that it’s never been this bad, no one should have to worry about keeping their children warm and fed with a roof over their heads, and I can’t stand to see my parents so stressed all the time. My mom is even having blood pressure problems because of this.

Getting back to our house, it has many problems for us. For one, we don’t fit in it, leaving my littlest siblings to share a room (which is very detrimental to them, especially to their sleep and right to privacy), and my parents to have their bed downstairs in a musty-smelling half-way room with no door, separated by the TV by only half of a half wall. Also, our house is very, very poorly insulated, our basement leaks every time a small drizzle happens, and our appliances break constantly because our landlord only fixes them half-assed every time, and never has an expert or professional come look at it. Adding to this is the fact that our house is home to an unknown number of mice, insects, stupid stupid spiders, and many other unwanted things… including mold. My mom believes this is adding to my family’s health issues, including asthma and allergies, which we all have, some of use very severely (we regularly need to use our nebulizer for asthma, for example). Though we’ve been looking for opportunities to move for years, we’ve had no luck.

Until now.

We’ve been offered an affordable housing option that will suit almost all of our family needs, which is located in a great neighborhood for my siblings to grow up. The only problem is, we may not be able to make it happen. We currently don’t have enough money to even begin paying for closing costs. With Christmas being less than 30 days away, and the timeline for this being we would move in around January or February, we are in desperate need of a miracle. I’m asking you to please help.

Please share this link everywhere and anywhere you possibly can, and encourage your friends to do the same. It leads to a fundraising page to help with the costs of this amazing opportunity. Please consider donating if you are able to do so, as every bit counts. I can’t imagine coming this close and losing it all.

Thank you so much for your time! Bye!

-Sam

ER Visit Last Night

Hey. Alright, so, before I start, I’d like to say that I’m fine, no, so far it’s not serious. Here’s the deal. I’d been experiencing some slightly disturbing symptoms. The most disturbing part is the fact that all of this had only started about 11 hours before. It began with me umpiring a baseball game on Saturday. When I was jogging around, I realized that my lower shins hurt when I ran. I shook it off, attributing it to I always hurt or have some kind of pain. Later, when I was shaving my legs Saturday night, I noticed that I had a rash near my right ankle. I attributed it to razor burn, but questioned it since it’s a brand-new razor that I’d just opened. Upon further inspection, I realized that both of my ankles were pretty swollen, the right one way worse than the left.

I finished drying off and then went down stairs to show my mom, who immediately saw it from about 4 to 5 feet away (that’s how swollen it was). She said to show my dad, who glanced at it and was like, “yep, it’s swollen alright!” I pointed out that my left ankle was swollen as well, and my mom suggested I wrap my right one, since it was crazy swollen. I did, then went to bed a little while later.

Fast forward to the next day. It’s a little less swollen, but hurts more. My throat also hurts a little when I swallow. I’m pushing my littlest sibling on the swing when my right wrist starts to hurt. I compare it to my left one and realize that my right wrist is indeed swollen. Soon after, my left knee starts to hurt, and that’s swollen, too. Also, my left wrist is swollen (on the opposite side than the right one was). My mom then calls my doctor, who tells her to bring me to the ER.

Now I’m freaking out. I have no idea what the hell is happening, or why it’s happening so freaking fast. So, my dad brings me to the ER, and I have 5 FREAKING VIALS of blood drawn. 5. Vials. Of. Blood. It wasn’t that bad, though, I must admit. They were really nice, and even made me smile. Oh, and I forgot to mention, while I was waiting for the doctor to come in, my right knee started to hurt, and I realized that it was swollen, too.

The initial labs, like the arthritis one, came back negative, so I got to go home, and now we’re waiting on the labs that take longer to come back (including the Lyme one). I really hope it’s not the fucking Lyme. I’ll do a post on that later.

Anyways, here’s a list of my symptoms:

  • hurts on lower shins when jogging or running
  • rash on right ankle
  • VERY swollen and painful right ankle
  • swollen and painful left ankle
  • hurts a little to swallow
  • swollen and painful right wrist
  • swollen and painful left wrist
  • swollen and painful left knee
  • swollen and painful right knee

I think that’s is, but there might be more. Possibly. Do any of you have any ideas?

Anyways, I’m okay. I just want to see what you all think. Please comment if you have ANY ideas at all. Thanks! Bye!

-Sam

Dreams

Hey. I have a lot of dreams. I want to be a published author before I’m 18 (well, actually, I HAVE to do that, since I told my favorite English teachers that I would do it), I want to be a vet when I grow up, I want to go to Boston College, I want to go to a Super Bowl that the Patriots are in. A lot of stuff. I’d like to say that I know what’s good for me, and I know what’s going to happen, but the truth is, I don’t. For the first time EVER, I’m struggling in school. I’m having trouble with my chronic Lyme Disease again. I really don’t know what to do. It’s all hitting me at the same time, and I feel lost as to how to deal with it all. Who knows if I’ll achieve even ONE of my hopes and dreams. I just want a clearer future, that’s all. Is that so hard to do? Apparently so. Sorry this post is a bit depressing, but bye for now!

-Sam

Storm and Doctors

Hey. Yay! There’s supposed to be a blizzard tomorrow! My school is already cancelled! I can’t wait to play in the snow. Yes, at 14 I still love snow. I’m so excited! On another note, today I went to a new Lyme specialist. I had to get 5 whole vials of blood taken, but it was by far the most awesomest blood drawing experience that has ever happened to me. First of all, they had this numbing spray, so I barely felt the needle going in. Also, they press some button on the needle holder when they’re done, and the needle pops out, quick and painlessly and automatically. It was sooo cool!. Also, I’m still working on getting a picture of our hamster up, so stay tuned! Bye for now!