Meet The Genius Who’s Failing History (A.K.A. Me)

Hey! I just realized something now, something that I don’t think has ever really hit me before- I want to be successful. So badly. But right now, when I say that I’ll be successful… well, it’s not gonna happen if I don’t make some major life improvements. And fast. I have so many goals for the future (some of them realistic and down-to-earth, and some of them a little out-of-the-ordinary), but many of them depend on my achievements of now and of the next few years, like if I attend a good college. I want to be comfortable with money. I don’t want to have to worry about sending my future (six?) kids to private schools because the public school sucks (it might not, but I want to stay living in my town when I grow up, so unless there are some major changes, then that’s going to be a reality). I want to be able to donate a shit-ton of money to childhood cancer research, because those kids are worth more than 3%. I want to be someone big.

Have I ever mentioned before that my favorite car ever is a yellow Porsche 911 Turbo? And no, it’s not because of Alice Cullen. Not at all. I loved this car before New Moon was even published (I think that’s the one where Alice and Bella steal the car to save Edward?). To be honest, my love for this car is because of a video game, Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit 2 (PS2 version). Which, by the way, was released on October 1, 2002. Yes, I know, I was only four then, but we got it a couple years later when my Uncle gave my brother and I our very own PS2 (yes, I was a video game addict at probably the age of 7). Now, back to the point. As you should know, it’s a lot of money. But if I’m successful, I can eventually buy one. Except, if I keep going at this rate, I’m not even going to go to college.

This is the best car ever. Seriously.

Did you know that I’m a genius? No, seriously- my IQ (I forget the exact number, I’ll ask my mom later and then give you an update) is above the number that is considered to be genius (I’ll ask my mom on what that number is and get back to you on that one, too). Also, like I said in a previous post, I scored in the top 1% in the country when I took the placement exam for my high school. I’m a literal genius, and I’m failing history. I got a 17 on a quiz. A freaking 17. I got straight A’s in elementary and middle school, and now I’m doing horrible in high school. Why? How? I know that really, really smart people (like me, apparently) tend to do really, really bad in school, but my question is this: if I’m called an enigma in literally everything else, then why must I be normal in this case? To be blunt, it seriously blows.

I don’t understand why I’m having so much trouble in school. I mean, it’s not like I hate it. Quite the contrary, actually- I love my school, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I actually cry when I think about leaving BCHS. Especially because I’d be leaving Mr. Rose and Ms. Picone. Now that would suck, leaving them. I just, I don’t know what’s going on. Why can’t I do it? Like I said, I’m a freaking genius! I should be able to do this easily. Why can’t I? Why?

My parents say I might not go back to BCHS next year if there isn’t some drastic improvement in both my grades and my behavior (that’s for another post, in which my confusion will most likely be very clear). That scares me. So much. For one, because that would mean going back to my town’s school, where the kids are just plain cruel, horrible excuses for human beings. But mostly because that would mean leaving so much behind. I would be leaving my friends (the only non-BCHS friend I have is Gabby), Mr. Rose, Ms. Picone, the general niceness of BCHS, the helpfulness… everything. That right there terrifies me. I can’t leave this. I can’t.

I’m in so much trouble, for everything that’s happened (and some things that haven’t), it’s not even funny. I’m pretty much under house arrest without being a literal criminal. I’m not allowed to do anything, even watch Grey’s Anatomy D: Which really, really sucks, because now I’m two episodes behind. Besides that, my parents have a meeting with my school on Monday at 3:00, and they’re making me go (so, pray, think, whatever you do, for me at 3:00 pm EST on Monday! I’ll need it! 😦 ), so that should be torture. I want to cry just thinking about it. But besides that, because I’m in trouble, my stupid oldest brother (he’s 13) has been trying to feed in to my parent’s anger to try and get me in trouble. Here’s an example: two nights ago, he had to switch over the laundry. He was mad at me for some reason, and he closed the basement door when he went downstairs. Well, I went to tell my mom something (luckily) and all of a sudden we hear a bang and a “HEY!” This repeats a few times until my mom says “knock it off! She’s up here!” My brother goes “Oh” and the basement door squeaks open. He barely got in trouble for it, though. And he denied it, saying the door was jammed. But do you see what I mean?!

My life is filled with “if’s” and question marks. Because right now, that’s what my future is. One big question mark. I could be a huge success. But, the way I’m going, I could be a giant failure. I really don’t know. I wish I could say, “I’m going to be a success!” But I honestly don’t know right now. And that’s sad.

Which way will I go?

Seriously, though, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m about to fail history for the year, and my life is falling apart. I really, really hope it gets better, but one question lingers in the back of my mind: what if it doesn’t? Well, I don’t know, Sam. I just don’t know.

-Sam

P.S. As always, the original image URLs can be found by clicking the images.

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An Update To My Previous Post

Hey! Well, in case you don’t feel like scrolling down a little to find the last post I did (or maybe this is open in a different window and you don’t feel like going back), here’s the link to the post Apparently I’m REALLY Smart…. And if you don’t feel like reading it, I’ll recap (mostly because maybe it’ll help make it sink in). So, when I was accepted into BCHS, my acceptance letter stated that because I got the highest score on the placement exam, I received a scholarship. Yesterday, my mom and dad had a meeting with my principal and a few other important school people, which resulted in my parents being some stunning news. My mom told me the news (or part of it, I just found out) that apparently I not only scored the highest in the school, I scored one of the highest in the country! Whoa, right? But wait until you hear this next part: I didn’t just get one of the highest scores in the country, I scored in the TOP 1% IN THE COUNTRY!! Okay, I just re-read what I just wrote, and I think it just sunk in a little, because I feel… I don’t know how to describe it. But I only feel like this a little bit, so it still needs to sink in more. Still, how?! Alright, I’m going to end the post here, since I just forgot what I wanted to say next. Bye!

-Sam

Apparently I’m REALLY Smart…

Hey. So, I’m kind of numb when I’m writing this, but I’m hoping that doing a post on it will help make it sink in. Now, I don’t know if I ever told you, but I got the highest score on the placement exam out of BCHS’s incoming freshman class when I took it two years ago. Well, I just found out yesterday that, not only did I get the highest score out of all the BCHS kids, I got one of the highest scores in the entire country. WHAT?! I just re-read what I wrote and I’m still in disbelief. My principal told my mom this yesterday when they had a meeting, and he also told her that I still have the potential to get a free ride to whatever college I want, even now, if I get my act together. I was like, what? I’m failing history and chemistry. How can I possibly get a free ride to college? My mom said it’s because the colleges will see that I do really good on standardizes tests (granted that I do good on the SATs) and that I got my act together, and they’ll want me. But, just, wow. That’s crazy to hear. Alright, I can’t really write any more on this right now, since it still hasn’t sunk in yet, so I’m going to end the post here. Bye!

-Sam

My Horoscope

Hey. So, I was trolling Facebook, and came across a post that someone shared that someone shared that someone shared… well, you get the point. Anyway, it was about a horoscope. This person commented on how the horoscope was really accurate for them, so I decided to check it out. It led me to this blog post. To my surprise, it was really accurate for me as well. Like, creepily accurate. Here’s my Virgo horoscope:

VIRGO – The One that Waits (August 23 to September 22)
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget. -An Insomniac’s Dream

Even my mom agreed that it was so me, except for the “easy to please” and “pushover” parts. I don’t normally believe in these (I normally think horoscopes are a piece of [pardon my French] shit), but I would like to know where this one came from. It is seriously me. Kinda freaky, huh? And I’ll end on that note. Sorry for the short post, but I have to go do chores 😦 Bye!

-Sam

The Deeper Meaning Of Me

Hey. So, the title is pretty self explanatory. Today we’ll be discussing who I am. And I don’t mean the boring stuff, like, ‘oh, I’m a 15 year old girl who’s a sophomore at BCHS.’ No, like the title states, I mean the deep stuff. So, without further ado, let’s explore who I am!

Image

This was when I went with Gabby and her family to release lanterns in memory of Carl, one of her family members who died in a car accident.

First, you have to know that I’m ADHD. That kind of shapes my whole life, and not always in a bad way. Sure, it makes my wicked (see my New England heritage 🙂 ) disorganized, but that’s okay, because I can deal with that (most of the time!). It also makes me way more creative. Let me explain. There have been many studies done on ADHD, and a lot of them have found that people with ADHD are more creative than people without it. Also, a funny story. One of the first art classes I had this year, I received a handout with the typical traits of a creative person. Almost all of these traits were typical of someone with ADHD. I almost laughed out loud when I made the connection.

Alrighty then, next up, I’m a good friend. I’m loyal, caring, and if you’re my best friend and you want me to kick someone’s ass, I’ll do it 🙂 Well, as long as that person isn’t my best friend or my family member. And I won’t hurt them badly (I don’t believe in putting people in the hospital), I’ll just give them a few bruises and scare the crap out of them, so they never hurt you again. I’m loyal because I’ll always take your side if I’m involved in something, or else I just won’t get involved. And I’m caring because, well, I care. You can tell me anything, and I’ll help you through whatever it is, plus I won’t judge.

Now, I’m intelligent. I’m just using what other people say about me for this one, plus events that have happened. I got the highest score on the placement exam for BCHS. Everyone says I’m super smart, and I need to actually try in school instead of just coasting along (I HATE it when they say that, but it’s true, I do need to try harder). And when I do try hard, I get awesome, amazing results, like a 98 on a Dos quarter project! Now that’s what I call awesomeness!

I’m dirty minded. I’m not going to go into that one at all, really, because that would probably disgust you 🙂 Let’s put it this way. I once got into a conversation on Facebook with my friend Derek about a picture that had been posted. It said something like, ‘if people heard my best friend and I talking, we would be in a mental hospital.’ I asked Derek what would happen to me and Rebecca if people heard us talking. Up until this point, we had been chatting in the comments. Now, he messaged me. You wanna know what he wrote?

Worse, burned at the stake. –Derek H.

I’m really spiritual. I pray A LOT. I pray every night before I go to bed, even if it’s my own prayers, not prayers that you can find in a prayer book or something. As one of my last posts said, I’m a Roman Catholic, and I have a lot of faith. Even if those reasons that I stated in that post were all proved false, I would still believe because of my faith. It’s pretty strong.

I have anger issues sometimes, but the major ones usually only show when the Lyme comes back. I normally always have some minor irritability, and even when the Lyme is gone, once in a blue moon I’ll lose is, but doesn’t everyone?

If you tease me for my anger issues, or is I see you tease anyone for anything, I’ll kick your ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week, because I absolutely HATE any kind of snobbery or anything like it. No. Just, don’t do it. It sucks. As I’ve told you, I’ve been a victim of bullying, and I’ve watched my best friend be subjected to the tortures it causes, and it seriously sucks to experience. Don’t do it. Please.

One more thing: first impressions are EVERYTHING to me. I don’t know why, but once I meet you, I either hate you or love you. There is rarely an in between. I don’t know why this is, but my mom calls it obsessive, like I obsess over the people that I love. I don’t know what to think.

Alright, I think that’s it. Wow, this was a really long post again. Hopefully I’ll get into this habit of long posts. I kinda like it. Okay, I’m done for now. Bye!

-Sam

P.S. The original picture URLs can be found by clicking on the pictures!

Guess Who Turns 15 Tomorrow?!

Hey. So, YES!!! I FINALLY turn 15 tomorrow. Although I did like being 14, it’s nice to finally have a ‘me’ day tomorrow. I promise that I will get to explaining about my vacation soon, but right now I need to finish some homework. I will NOT start out my first day as a 15-year-old with not handing in some homework. Bye!

-Sam

P.S. The best birthday present you can give me is to comment Happy Birthday! 🙂